Sunday, November 1, 2009


I remember when I was a kid, and I'd go trick-or-treating, and most years I'd make my own costumes, and they were all crap, you know, like the ghost, which was just an old sheet with two eye holes torn into it. Then, one year, my parents got me a superman costume, it even came with a mask, and on the side of the box that it came in, it had written. "WARNING - Do Not Attempt To Fly." I like to picture the kid that is actually stupid enough to think he could fly in the costume, but smart enough to check out the warning label before he put it on. The year when I had the superman costume, I got really annoyed, because of the mask, you know how it has that little piece of string that is stapled on, so your head stays in? Well, as with any of those masks, the string kept breaking, and I kept fixing it, and it kept getting tighter and tighter every time I fixed it, until I was at the point where the mask was cutting into my eyeballs and I was trying to breath through those little nose holes, and thinking, "I can't see and I can't breath, but I don't care! Where the hell is the candy?!"
But then, finally I had enough of the mask, and I grabbed it and I threw in to the ground. I remember the last years that I went trick-or-treating, I was a little too old for it. The people at the houses would always ask those same stupid questions. "What are you suppose to be young man?" "I'm suppose to be done by now, so give me the candy. I've got another 18 houses on this street, sweetheart. So shake a leg woman."
This year I decided to stay at home and get pissed off by all the kids ringing the doorbell saying "Trick or treat?"

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