Monday, August 31, 2009

My Birthday.

I just thought I'd mention that it's my 16th birthday today, the 1st of September. Yay! I haven't gotten many gifts. :(

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Family and Dating.

I love my family, but at Christmas time... Good lord. At Christmas time, the entire family all meet up at my grandparents. As you walk in, it looks fine, but as you enter, "Nightmare on Elm Street." Grandpa takes out his teeth and starts eating his dinner like a frog, grandma forgets about the apple pie and it explodes in the oven. Aunt Betty, 92 years old, she's been dying for 47 years, but she still manages to make a toast, and finishes it by saying, "See you all next Christmas." And somebody mumbles, "Everybody except you." Everybody is thinking "How can you still be alive? You'll bury us all you witch." My only unmarried uncle feels like killing himself when Grandma starts talking about marriage. "We got married at 16, and we didn't even meet until the wedding day." He's there just smiling, but you can tell he's thinking, "Who cares?"

Imagine that, not seeing your wife until the wedding day. She's walking up the isle, she's got the vale on, you can't see her face, you're leaving the church, people are throwing rice, and it's getting in your eyes, so you still can't see her properly, then you get in the car and drive off. Then the cans on the back of the car come in handy, so when the car drives off, nobody can hear the husband going. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

I recently broke up with a girl, and she said. "You'll never find anybody else like me." I thought "I should hope not." Do you break up with somebody then say, "By the way, do you have a twin?"

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Sticking Up For Myself.

Only recently I have started sticking up for myself, most of my life, I have been shy and nervous, and tried to be as good as I possibly could, in other words, I was a grovelling little piss-ant. But now, I have started to stop caring what people think. Before, I would bottle my emotions, but now, I tell people what I think... they may hate me for it, but at least I feel better.

Petrol Prices.

I have found out, that we all need a cause: health care, schools, something bigger and more important than us, so we could really help others, and I've finally found mine, it is, find out who is responsible for the constant change in the price of petrol... and then kill them. I tell you what I am going to miss, I am going to miss big cares, because, let's be honest, it's going to be a bit difficult to loose your virginity in the back of one of those tiny smart cars. But the price of petrol going up and down like this, it's gone from $1.30 to $2.00 to $1.00; my friend said, "Well, that's the way it works." No, it's not. Nothing works like that, hamburgers aren't $6.00 then $30.00 then free; and are people still getting pulled in by the illusion of a saving? "Look Hun, this petrol station is selling petrol at $1.29 and this one is selling it at $1.28. We're eating teak tonight."
Let's just put petrol at one price and leave it.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Getting Fit and Getting Old.

Working out at the gym, running, jogging, and any kind of thing like that, just is not for me, not at all. My friend who loves jogging and running, says after he goes for a big run up around a few blocks and up and down a massive hill and back, he gets this thing he calls a 'Runners High' but I can get the same feeling after eating a bag of Doritos and a hot dog and then walk up a flight of stairs. I tried going to the gym once, the trainer said, "You get addicted." I said, "No, I don't think so, I think I could quit the gym any time I want, I think I could quit the gym cold turkey, and then eat the cold turkey."
I don't mind if you like doing this stuff, just keep it away from me; just remember, every hour you spend at the gym, is an hour I'm sitting at the bar chatting up your girlfriend.
Another thing that annoys me, not as much as the working out, but it still annoys me, is how people are so afraid of getting old. Why are we so afraid of getting old? Each generation gets weaker and lazier, I don't care how old you are, your parents were twice as tough as you are, my father used to walk across town to get to school, and he works at night, but, if I go to the store, and the barber in the same day, then I need a nap. I am 16, so, I'm not even aloud to drink alcohol yet, but when my father was my age, he was leaving for the navy, and had his future planned out, I have done nothing about my future, and my biggest achievement in life has been owning all nine seasons of 'Seinfeld' and all eleven seasons of 'Frasier' on DVD. Isn't it weird, the only time you look forward to getting older, is when you're a little kid, when you're twelve or younger you're so excited you count in fractions, "I'm four and a half." You're never thirty-four and a half. Then when you reach your teenage years, you skip whole numbers, "I'm going to be 16." You could be 15, but you're going to be 16. Then, you become 21, you 'become' 21, it sounds like a big thing, but you turn 30, you 'turn' 30, it makes you sound like bad milk. Then, you are pushing 40, "oh, stay over there." Then, you reach 50, and you make it to 60, and then you've built up so much speed and momentum, that you hit 70. Then when you're in your 90's you start going backwards, "I was just 92." Then, if you are lucky enough to make it into your 100's then you become a little kid again, "I'm 104 and a half."

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I've got some bad news... well, it's bad news for me. My grandfather just passed away. Only a couple of hours ago. I still can't get my head around it. Rest In Peace, old man.

George Hill - 2nd of February 1935 to 13th August 2009.