Sunday, August 30, 2009

Family and Dating.

I love my family, but at Christmas time... Good lord. At Christmas time, the entire family all meet up at my grandparents. As you walk in, it looks fine, but as you enter, "Nightmare on Elm Street." Grandpa takes out his teeth and starts eating his dinner like a frog, grandma forgets about the apple pie and it explodes in the oven. Aunt Betty, 92 years old, she's been dying for 47 years, but she still manages to make a toast, and finishes it by saying, "See you all next Christmas." And somebody mumbles, "Everybody except you." Everybody is thinking "How can you still be alive? You'll bury us all you witch." My only unmarried uncle feels like killing himself when Grandma starts talking about marriage. "We got married at 16, and we didn't even meet until the wedding day." He's there just smiling, but you can tell he's thinking, "Who cares?"

Imagine that, not seeing your wife until the wedding day. She's walking up the isle, she's got the vale on, you can't see her face, you're leaving the church, people are throwing rice, and it's getting in your eyes, so you still can't see her properly, then you get in the car and drive off. Then the cans on the back of the car come in handy, so when the car drives off, nobody can hear the husband going. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

I recently broke up with a girl, and she said. "You'll never find anybody else like me." I thought "I should hope not." Do you break up with somebody then say, "By the way, do you have a twin?"

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